5 Signs You’re Dating a Zombie

Are you sick of online creepsters these days?
Truth be told, they might actually be a zombie.
Here’s how to tell before you end up as their next snack:

#1 They’re a Terrible Kisser

You lean in expecting romance but instead get the sensation of being eaten alive. Too many fluids are exchanged. You barely make it out alive.

#2 They’re Super Flakey

Not just with plans, but also with blizzard-level dandruff. Their shoulders look like they’ve been skiing through a snowstorm.

#3 They Have Zero Personality

No jokes. No interests. No hobbies. Just dead silence… until you start to show flesh. Then suddenly, they’re very, very interested.

#4 They’re a Stalker

Your date ends. You think it’s over. But that night, you see them limping outside your window.

#5 They’re Undead and “Unerect”

Their “joystick” goes limp, or literally falls off, right after they invite you to “see their room.” Mood: officially killed.

The Plot Twist:
If your date is showing all of these signs, you should probably grab your bunker snacks, lock the hatch, and wait until they get the hint they’ve been ghosted.

But…
If the only issue is their flakiness, you might just be dealing with a dandruff disaster rather than a full-blown zombie infection.

Our recommendation?
Introduce them to the wonders of modern civilization like a calendar and blast their scalp with Scare Care’s Dandruff Destroyer. It’s the antidote for blizzard shoulders and a must-have for surviving the dating apocalypse.